Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize