Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
