The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
