we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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