Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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