Pants 0. Shit 1.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize