Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
