I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
