hotel room ftw
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
