"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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