Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
