i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We named our party play list daddy issues
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How external is "for external use only"?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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