nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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