theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
