You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
