I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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