this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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