I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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