I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
