you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
