By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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