My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
