Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
