I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
