dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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