whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Shame - the story of my life.
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