you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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