remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
