Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
