ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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