Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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