I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As shirtless as possible
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
