you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
