At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
