oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
