i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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