'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
