I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
