its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
