So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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