He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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