Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
