Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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