The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
