Did you just see the Batmobile???
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
