wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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