i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize