My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
