And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Randomize
