There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
