I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
