One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
