I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize