Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
