Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
