Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
