So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
