I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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