Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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