I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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