Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
