i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Terrible idea I love it
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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