My sheets look like a crime scene.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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