look no pants
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
