I feel like I'm in dance class right now
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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