sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
