Only a mothe r could love this liver
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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