When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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