yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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