I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
