One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize